Dear Football

Dear football.

You have given me much over the last ten years without me offering much in return. Like all sport, you have the ability to make people feel unique emotions with regard to relatively abstract objects. Caring about companies and people you've never met is something that could only happen so passionately in sport, and it is to your credit that you have managed to make billions of people feel these emotions throughout history. Football can be many things, a livelihood, a past-time, a way out of poverty, a tool to help others, entertainment and many more, but to me, football has been more. Despite living in Glasgow, a place rich with footballing passion, history and tradition, I never really got into football via anyone or anything else. It was my choice, and I chose my team, a team I was proud to support, a team that eventually meant more to me than I would have ever thought possible. Since then I supported my team with everything I had, as well as my country, and I was proud to do so. I am not now, nor am I even proud to call myself a football fan.

In 2010 at the draw for the group stages of the 2010/11 UEFA Champions' League, Martin Bain said the following:

“I'm really concerned this may be the last season for a long, long time a Scottish club is involved in the Champions League draw. I'm not just concerned for Rangers – I'm really worried for all of Scottish football. From next season on – and for years to come – we will all be facing a really difficult passage into European football.”

One year on, you would be hard-pressed to disagree. No Scottish teams in Europe, the four who participated all put out at the first time of asking with the exception of Rangers, who would probably have been less embarrassing if they'd simply not bothered to play their games. Why? To be perfectly honest, I don't know why. Hearts were drawn against a bigger team who have more resources and were never likely to cause an upset, but the manner of their defeat was embarrassing. Celtic were the architects of their own downfall and Rangers, well Rangers essentially put their heads between their legs and kissed their arse goodbye. While there are many obvious problems with Scottish football, this was the last straw. I maintained after the first legs that there was hope for Celtic and Rangers, but no. At what was probably the last stand for Scottish footballing credibility, our best failed. In the case of Celtic, it was over before it began. Rangers on the other hand gave up, with a performance that has left me ashamed of my football club for the first time in my life. To this I say simply, I give up. I can't take this any more. I'm done with football.

While Scottish football's bloody corpse is examined, you can look elsewhere to see that football is dying elsewhere. Player strikes in Spain, clubs running out of money in the richest league in the world, players moving to Russia for £350,000 per week, corruption allegations at the head of the game's international governing body. You witness these things and you think, “why?” Although it may seem insensitive, I see the similarities between myself and football and an abusive relationship. And this is breaking point. I can't take any more. I can't take any more of the once-proud game that I love being ruined. Football is no longer a sport, it is a business, and this isn't fair. I don't expect things to remain constant in a world-wide game which is constantly changing and expanding, but the levels that certain quarters are reaching are beyond reprehensible. The situation at Manchester City resembles someone using the database editor for Football Manager and giving themselves unlimited funds, and while this hasn't resulted in success (an FA Cup win aside), it will eventually and when it does, the final nail in football's coffin will be hammered in. The rich get richer while the poor (who are often more) are left with scraps, clinging to past glories in the faint hope that they still mean something. To me, they no longer do. I accept that landscapes can change but not like this. Not so quickly and unfairly. Football is broken, and getting worse. It is unfair and I have had enough.

To say that Scottish football's demise can allow me to focus on world football which is of a higher quality, no. I don't care about teams from other countries. I don't watch Match of the Day hoping that certain teams win, I watch to be entertained. How can you just pick a new team because you've become ashamed of yours? You can't. And given the way that everyone out-with Scottish football seems to have a fondness for diving that borders on the insulting, it's not something I want to vindicate by watching it. It's not the game I love, it's not the culture I love and most of it is funded by unfair sums of money which make it a contest to see which businessman is more prepared to face financial ruin, which in turn is not football. Not the way it should be. The state that Scottish football is in too doesn't help. Yes it's in financial ruin, but no-one wants to help. You've got Celtic fans telling anyone who'll listen about the sectarianism from Rangers fans whilst hoping that the tax case goes badly and Rangers go out of business, Rangers fans crying foul whenever this happens, Celtic players, managers and staff receiving death threats and you just think, why? How? How can something that I and so many others love make people act like this? Why do they act in a way that will kill the game they claim to support? I feel like the lone voice of sanity screaming in silence whilst the world blows up around me, powerless to stop it.

This post may prompt people to say that if I am giving up on football then I was never a real fan in the first place. Some people may say that if teams are able to spend £80,000,000 on a transfer fee or £350,000 (tax-free) on a weekly wage then they are entitled to do so and that forcing them to not do this amounts to communism and admittedly, I'm having flashbacks to Atlas Shrugged as I write this, but the fact remains: money should not be the key factor in winning at football. Although I am not really accustomed to “failure” as a fan of an Old Firm team, Rangers' performances in Europe are not acceptable. To think we've gone backward so quickly since a European final 3 years ago beggars belief. We are arguably not even poorer than that team right now, yet something remains that has prevented Rangers and other Scottish teams from being anything other than a laughing stock of European football, and I can't take it any longer. It is unfair and is making Scottish football too embarrassing to support.

There is hope for football. The world's best player is one who plays with a smile on his face and who you think would be playing football anyway even if he didn't do it as a job. The many happy memories I can recall also remind me that football has the potential to be unrivalled in its ability to evoke emotion. Scotland beating France 1-0 home and away, beating Holland 1-0 at home are up there. So is the 2002 Scottish Cup Final. As is the last day of the 2002/03 SPL season. So is Helicopter Sunday. So is the 2008 UEFA Cup run which got more improbable as it went on. Those are the memories I will take from football in the faint hope that it is able to redeem itself. I don't have much hope. I do however hope I'm wrong.

T in the Park 2011 Review

Another year, another wristband, another weekend in a field watching bands play. This time with added rain. I may have vowed last year to avoid T in the Park 2011 (and all festivals for that matter) like the plagues that are probably cultivated there, but there was an inconsequential announcement made in February that made me reconsider. What at first sight (one band in particular aside) was a poorer line-up that last year turned out to be marginally better for me in terms of seeing bands, though most bands throughout the weekend I saw on my own for various reasons. Here then is the opinion on all of them:

Friday
Big Country
A band my mum listens to, her first words when I told her they were playing were: "Oh they've not been the same since Stuart Adamson killed himself." I'll assume this was an accurate statement, since he was the singer and the guy that replaced him was wank. Given that all the members of this band are now roughly above fifty years old, nothing special was to be expected. Nothing special is what you got.

Mona
My one visit to the Red Bull Bedroom Jam Transmissions Stage of the weekend (it wasn't because I couldn't be bothered saying the name again, honest), I chose to see this lite-Kings of Leon mob over Tom Jones. Biggest regret of the weekend. Mona weren't (and aren't) bad, but the sound in the RBBJTS was abysmal. Far too loud with this faint hazy backdrop of sheer noise, the performance was made even worse by a frankly moronic audience. I thought I'd seen everything when people tried to put to Rococo by Arcade Fire, boy was I wrong. I would vote the crowd at Mona to be the worst of the weekend, but they were merely a taster of the shite to come.

Evaline
A band whose debut album I bought on Wednesday (and have started listening to again as I type this actually), I caught the second half of their set in the T Break stage after Mona. A six-piece, their live show was short but memorable. Enough to make me spend £15 on the aforementioned debut, anyway. One of the bigger crowds I saw at the T Break stage too, and one that's justified. Best new band I've heard this year, and the album, Woven Materials, should be there or thereabouts by the end of the year too.

Romance
The program said of Romance: "Described by the NME as 'your new favourite band'," and to be honest, that should have been a warning. Out pops this skinny runt with floppy hair, leather trousers (prompting the gentleman next to me to shout "aye ye think you're Bon Jovi?") who spends the rest of the performance writhing against and actually licking the bass player. Granted the bass player was rather attractive (even for a left hander), I'll assume they were an item (hence the name too), the guitarist was actually very good and they were ok to listen to if you weren't watching them, but I really, REALLY hope that this band fails. Oh, did I mention that the singer gradually shed his clothes as the show went on?

Sucioperro
A band I'm slightly ashamed to not have heard of previously, Sucioperro had the most dedicated fan base of any band at the T Break stage over the weekend. Even though every Scottish rock band these days is doomed to draw Biffy Clyro comparisons, you could see where said comparison came from with Sucio, and it wasn't a knock. It was like a combination of the hard stuff of pre-Puzzle Biffy, the energy and enthusiasm of The Xcerts and the for want of a better word, deep lyrics (I'm assuming here, my memory's a bit fuzzy) of Frightened Rabbit. Probably my highlight of the Friday, it's a shame though that this was their third go on the T Break stage. I'd have thought they would have found success more easily but you never know. They're certainly capable of it, if they get their chance.

Aerials Up
A seven-piece who were probably trying a bit too hard to be Arcade Fire, this was nonetheless a surprisingly enjoyable performance from a band who've supported Paolo Nutini and Snow Patrol. Even with the inclusion of instruments from the string section of the orchestra, it was a surprisingly heavy performance, and they're another band who deserve success, at least based on the half hour I had in their company.

otherpeople
otherpeople (one word) were apparently going to bring 90's Seattle to T in the Park. They brought nothing of the sort. Perhaps it was from being misled by the programme, being spoiled by the three excellent bands I'd seen previously or them being on last, I was a bit disappointed by otherpeopleoneword. They weren't especially bad, but they weren't better than Sucioperro who were the closest band to them in terms of sound who'd played on that day. Thinking about it now, their performance was certainly less memorable than those I'd seen before.

Saturday
Paws
A band I saw myself after all the hospitality gimps went for a dump, Paws were better than I thought they would have been. Fairly loud and with an air of haphazardness that seemed to suit them, they battered through their half hour set with fantastic energy. They even had a pretty good crowd for a band on first on the Saturday, which I was pretty surprised about. They also recommended Boycotts, who we'll get to later.

The Xcerts
A band whose inclusion on the bill I didn't know about before leaving, I nearly wet myself when I saw the programme. I've loved this band since 2008 (roughly), and was desperate to seem them live. They didn't disappoint, despite playing four songs from their (poorer) second album. They played the BBC introducing stage so there is actually footage of the performance: http://www.bbc.co.uk/music/festivals/tinthepark/2011/artists/xcerts/ (No, I haven't seen myself), and it's well worth a watch. There was a much larger crowd than I was expecting, and Murray MacLeod made good use of this, crowd surfing (and still playing his guitar, impressively) while making the bass player shite himself. I'm glad I got to see them, second best performance of the weekend and I even managed to make other people like them, which I found especially surprising.

Friendly Fires
Next up was Friendly Fires in the pishing rain. Not the weather you're wanting when you've got a frontman in a Hawaiian shirt playing sngs from what's the best album of the summer this year. Still, vocal and climate problems aside (someone should have told him to sing INTO the microphone), they still put on a good show. They even made the rain go away in time for the next band...

Jimmy Eat World
Having missed them play at Milton Keynes the week before by virtue of not getting there early enough and struggling to find a place to watch from, I was anxious to get a good spot for JEW. I thought I had, and the pictures I managed to take would have you believe I did, but this was where I experienced what on reflection was probably the second worst crowd of the weekend, but I'll go into detail since I was more annoyed by this one. Point one: You do not pit to A Praise Chorus. You do not clear a space in a crowd and invite people to pile on to the one guy who was dumb enough to jump face first into said space. You do not push someone on the edge of a pit into said pit when they have not joined voluntarily. You also do not attempt to lift someone on to the top of the crowd AFTER the performance is finished. Wanks in the crowd aside, I had a great time. Great set-list (although no Blister, which they'd played at Milton Keynes) and great performance, I was really glas I'd went to see them. third best performance of the weekend after The Xcerts, and a band I'd really like to see again. The hot keyboard player who was on stage for some songs and not others was a bonus, as was not finishing with The Middle.

Cancel the Astronauts
With JEW over, not wanting to see the most boring band in the world followed by Three Men and a Laptop and my feet hurting, it was back to the T Break stage, first witnessing Cancel the Astronauts. I'll be honest, I can't remember anything about their performance. I remember it wasn't bad, but given that I can't remember anything else, it probably doesn't bode too well.

Conquering Animal Sound
A man and a woman with an Imac and a guitar. The highlight of this performance was hearing Age of Consent played after them, even if it did cut out before the guitar part at the end.

Boycotts
Recommended previously, and quite rightly too. Very enjoyable and fronted by a stunning woman (who I think was pumping the bass player), there was a certain warmth to their set. It felt like they were your mates' band, which was quite a nice feeling. They weren't anything special music wise, but they weren't bad (better than the previous pair of muppets at any rate) and were certainly different from your usual bog-standard indie fare. Having a hot burd singing helps too, I suppose.

Sunday
The Pretty Reckless
Creepy and a bit shit, one eighteen year old girl who can't sing very well and dresses like a prostitute along with four old men is not a good thing. They weren't especially bad, they just weren't very good.

Hurts
Hurts performance #4 for me, and the progression of their live show was evident again. A few criticisms, Theo wearing sunglasses indoors was unacceptable, and the King Tut's Tent seemed a bit too big for the performance. The added visual pieces couldn't fill it out either, nor could the 9 musicians on stage. Still, a decent performance, and one for a crowd who had all paid to see the band. Roll on November.

My Chemical Romance
A rather cramped experience made poorer by the fact that Pinky had caught whatever the fat guy out Friendly Fires had in that he wasn't singing into the microphone. Something else rather worrying happened, I found out that I know a lot fewer words to MCR songs than I thought I did. Plus it was raining during this performance, though that did cool me down given how tightly packed I was. And the following act had "had a word," so the rain stopped for...

Pulp
The only reason I went to T in the Park. Pulp, the first band I ever heard and loved, Jarvis Cocker, a man who manages to combine looking weird and sexy (even at his current age and facial hair status) with what all indie frontmen lack these days: a personality. Despite crowd problems (me being the ONLY person there to see them), despite being on my own and despite not being able to move my spine for the duration of the performance, Pulp were not what I had hoped for. They were more than I could ever have contemplated hoping for. Every song was perfect (I even stopped hating Something Changed for long enough to belt out every word), his irreverant pish inbetween songs was as good as ever, and once they were done and I was out I couldn't stop smiling followed by tearing up (as I am slightly whilst I type this) and I will remember it fondly on the day that I die (probably whilst looking at the pictures I took). I didn't even care that I wasn't right at the front when he came down to the crowd, nor did I care that all the other cunty non-Pulp fans were crushing to get to the front. My life was made, and I will forever remember my first time.

I left after Pulp. It seemed pretty pointless to stay for an over-rated band I'd seen the week before.