Solid is the Most Adequate Word

Originally posted on 31/1/10

Metal Gear Solid - PS1/PSN Game Review

While this game was released 13 years ago, I unfortunately lacked a PS1 to play it on at the time. Seeing as it was such a critically acclaimed game, I figured that for �3.99, it'd be worth downloading from the PlayStation Network. Unfortunately however, it (or rather, as much as I was able to play) proved to the world that even 13 years ago, Konami couldn't make a decent game.

To summarise the story, you are a man in a headband called Solid Snake, part of some super soldier genome project. You're sent in, alone, to a nuclear base under the control of terrorists to get it back under the 'good' guys control. Simple? Well Konami thought this too simple, as you need around 15 minutes of badly rendered cutscenes to tell you this. I can honestly say i've never played a game where there was more cutscene time than actual playing time. This seems annoying when you're listening to cheesy characters talk about shite you don't care about, but when you get to playing, you want the wee ringing thingy in your ear to go off again.

When you're left alone, you infilitrate the base with absolutely no chance of capture due to a clever radar in your HUD which tells you where guards are, and what way they're looking. These guards however appear to have been brought in from the school of Police Academy villains, because you can set C4 off, hide round the corner evading detection, and then they'll go back to patrol. I realise that they can't have x-ray vision, but seriously, come on. In terms of how far I got into the game to fully evaluate the story however, I will never know. After one hour and 42 minutes of game time, I am unable to go any further.

You posess a tool clled a codec, essentially a mobile phone. To progress, you have to enter a number which your general commander person says "Wasn't it written on the back of the CD case?"

What CD case I hear you ask? I'll check the items i'm carrying, nope not in there. I'll check back to where I met this burd previously, nope nothing. So off to the last resort, Google. And here is the killer, because remember that i've downloaded this game from the PSN. By CD case, Konami, for whatever reason unbeknownst to anyone but themselves, meant the back of the game box. THE GAME BOX THAT I DON'T FUCKING HAVE! Fantastic. Especially since around the late 90's, when you rented a game very often you didn't get the original case. But silly me, the number was in the menu marked guide or some such shite once you've pressed the PS button. Fantastic. Right there clear as day. Brilliant move. So i'll plug this in and.... nothing. NO RESPONSE to be precise.

And that was that. I've been unable to go any further, despite various message boards telling me that Meryl will phone me if I wait long enough. Evidently the years it took to make the terrible cutscenes impacted on some Konami folks' love lives. She didn't call, so I gave up. It wasn't very good anyway. The controls were awful, the graphics were horrible (Driver and Crash Bandicoot are both better graphically when downloaded), the story was boring and the characters were poorly written. Not something I would advise, nor can I fathom why it spanwed so many games and such a cult following.