Stop This Planet I Want to Get Off

Originally posted on 4/10/09

Little Big Planet - PS3 Game Review

Eagle-eyed readers (all 3 of you) will notice I now have titles for these. Mainly because I thought of the above and thought it was absolute genius. Now, to LittleBigPlanet. Released last November it was billed as the future of gaming, where user-designed content was the basis of it. September this year, in what can only be seen as an attempt to capitalise on two Christmas seasons, a demo for it was released on PSN. Oh the joys, as downloading it introduced you to a world of wide-eyed cuteness, fun and Stephen Fry.

And if you want to know what playing the full game is like, play the demo 4 times, and watch a Powerpuff Girls episode. The storyline is not really important in a game like this so you can overlook this, but as a game which trys to appeal to everyone (why it's a 7+ because of violence i'll never know) it ultimately fails. It runs in 3 3D planes, which in laymans terms is being able to go forwards and backwards as well as left and right. This normally happens right when you don't want it to. This wound the hell out of me, and as anyone will tell you, I am a laidback gamer, it'd sure frustrate the children it's aimed at.

Despite there being 8 different areas with levels, the only thing that really changes is the backgrounds, because it's the same 2D platforming going from left to right all the way through. Small gimmicks to try and add some variation don't help at all, as most of the time they have a lovely wee pretentious speech bubble popping out treating you like a right thicko. It's the same thing all the way through, which makes doing the story quite tedious. That and the prize bubbles that are virtually impossible to get just add to the frustration of trying to finish the thing.

LBP does have its good points as a game however, as it has its fun things in terms of customisation and control you have over Sackboy (point off if you sniggered at that) and you'll get a good giggle out of mucking about with him, as he is as cute as a faceless brown mute lump can be. Stephen Fry of course is still one of the few bright points, as Stephen Fry in a game would be, but it's not enough to save LBP. Especially when the level creation comes along.

Before starting trying to make your own level with all the stuff you struggled to get in story mode, it's adviseable to go through the tutorial videos, telling you how to use each tool. This is where Stephen's silken tones get right on your arse, as there's more tutorial videos than adverts at the pictures, and even after you've sat through every last one, most of which you'd never do, you get no reward. Except a bronze trophy. And then the ability to make your very own special level, which shows you why companies actually employ professional games designers to do this, as to try and make something a tenth as good as the real game would take weeks of planning. Which explains why everything you can play from online is either sitting on a skateboard going down ramps or dodging bombs, and if you were to fonish a level, it'd feel like gobbing into a river, as there's soooooooooooo many other people just like you who think they've must something beautiful and wonderful and it's exactly like everything else. Which makes the effort that you put in wasted.

One last thing to moan about is the sections of levels that need more than one player to explore fully, which means you need to have friends (seeing as the online co-op is like playing online with a Dreamcast) which I don't fucking have LBP! I am a lone gamer, and if in the rare occasion I would play something with other folk, LBP is not that game. It's like going on a first date with someone to one of those kiddy-places with a ball pit. Not fun.

LBP does try to do new things, and it manages most of them, it's fun, quirky, and a good time waster if you want to feel all peaceful with the world, but it has all the depth of an Eldorado set, and leaves you bored quite quickly. The bad news is, a sequel is planned. What exactly they can put in a sequel to a game where everything is the same originally, and there's not story however, is beyond me.